Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Also, beer. Big fan.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
