I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
