We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
