I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Houston, we have a squirter
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
