accomplished twins. life is a go
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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