also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
