those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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