I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
