Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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