who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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