Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
