We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
