If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I have feelings that need drinking.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
