Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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