Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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