She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
