What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
