i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
