so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize