I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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