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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
