The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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