Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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