i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
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