I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
