Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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