The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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