I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
