U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
