i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
