i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
