So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
