Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
