the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
