Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
