i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize