that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize