just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
