Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
