Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
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