I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize
