I'm gonna have a badass scar
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
