Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
