You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
