Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
