Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think a kid would responsible me up
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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