I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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