so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
