I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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