So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize