I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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