I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
