why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
