is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
