I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
this will be a night to untag.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
