So drunk its hurt
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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