Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
