I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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