do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I'm both gender and math confused
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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