his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize