Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Success! We fucked roommates!
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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