It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
