He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
