Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
