please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just gift wrapped bread.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
