Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
