A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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