I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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