you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
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